EACH week Island Echo will be publishing confessions from Island-based Calders Confessions, as part of our new Lifestyle section.
Over the coming weeks not only will you be able to read through Islander’s latest problems, but will also receive hints and tips from hair stylists and much more.
The confessional is brought to you by www.caldersconfessions.com
PROBLEM 1
My job is really getting me down. I’ve worked in the same supermarket for 8 years now and they haven’t ever mentioned a promotion. I work in customer service, and my managers have been promoted several times so there is a space for me to move into. Should I just give up on them and leave?
Helen, 51, Sandown
CALDER’S ADVICE:
Have you tried speaking to your managers and telling them how you feel? They are the ones with the answers Helen, not me! If you’ve just kept your head down and not shown any signs of ambition these last eight years then its not really surprising that you’re still stuck on the customer services desk! Speak to your boss and explain that you feel its time you moved up a level, hopefully, he or she will then be able to give you an idea of your chances. If after this chat you find that there are no real opportunities on the horizon, it may be worth taking a look around and seeing what else is out there on the work front. The point is, you’ve got to state your case rather than just sitting and festering in a same old job hoping that things will improve. Take the bull by the horns and ask the question, at least then, you’ll be able to weigh up the possibilities rather than hoping things will change of their own accord!
PROBLEM 2
I need some help with my 16-year-old brother. He is constantly verbally and physically abusing me and my 9-year-old brother. He is even abusive to our mum when she refuses to give him money. He doesn’t have a job and is going nowhere. I want to help him, but am starting to hate him.
Louise, 21, Newport
CALDER’S ADVICE:
By the sounds of things, your brother has turned into a bit of bully! If left unchecked, things will gradually get worse and worse until he becomes too much to handle. In an ideal world, this lad would want to make the most of his life and would have some respect for his family, perhaps he needs a push in the right direction. You all need to sit down as a family and confront these issues rather than accepting them as part of day to day life. Talk to your mum and suggest that you have a family conference to try to make the situation better for all concerned. In the long run, your brother needs to get off his backside and get a job but the immediate problem is his lack of respect. Try to make him see that what he’s doing is affecting everyone and explain that you want to help. At the end of the day, that’s what families are for. Don’t try to run before you can walk though, take things one step at a time. Ultimately, if he doesn’t wake up to the fact that he is hurting you all, your mum may need to put her foot down and give him a choice – stay and play nicely or find somewhere else to live!
PROBLEM 3
I’ve been married to my husband for 4 years now and feel miserable in the relationship. He’s a great father and a genuinely nice man but we have no intimate contact and never have any deep discussions or talk about meaningful things. I know so many women are in horrible relationships so I don’t want to complain but I just fell I need something more in my life.
Michelle, 36, Ryde
CALDER’S ADVICE:
Things clearly aren’t right are they Michelle? Whilst I don’t think you should give up on your marriage at the drop of a hat, one thing I do know is that life is too short! Force a conversation with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel, you never know, he may feel the same way. Its not uncommon for couples to grow apart and get stuck in a dull and boring routine and you owe it to each other to try to re-ignite the spark between you. Only you can decide whether or not this marriage is ever going to work for you but staying for the sake of your children really isn’t a good idea. Too many kids grow up caught slap bang in the middle of a loveless relationship and apart from confusing them no end, it gives them entirely the wrong impression of what marriage should be about. To be honest, from what you say, I think its time to move on and find true happiness and fulfilment but give things one last chance, just in case its salvageable.
